Posts

All stress and depression starts with one Negative thought, which goes unchecked and becomes a reality in the mind. Repeat negative thinking makes the negativity like an unmovable mountain in the head, in the end leading to depression & other psychological/health issues.
So how to deal with it??

If you get any negative thought, first of all check its reality. Is it giving you a signal for behavioural change? then go for it. Change your course of action, till you become satisfied.If its just phoney, then change your perception and look for the positive alternative.
Practice this Mental Exercise for 1 week and see the phenomenal changes in your life!!!
Feel free to share your experiences.

Once a client came to me suffering from depression for several years. When inquired about her life, found out that everything is ‘bad’, ‘negative’ in her life. In a first instance it was looking like really a bad luck/ unlucky life. But after a close scrutiny& analysis of the events which she described as ‘negative’, I came to the conclusion that the only problem was her Negative Perception. An event by itself has no meaning, its you who attach a label of positive or negative to the event. Almost 90% of the times its our thinking which creates the problem, whether its about relationships or circumstances.
So how do you get out of this vicious cycle??

Read the below story which perfectly explains how negative perceptions demonize the reality: A crow lived in the forest and was absolutely satisfied in life. But one day he saw a swan. “This swan is so white,” he thought, “and I am so black. This swan must be the happiest bird in the world.” He expressed his thoughts to the swan. “Actually,” the swan replied, “I was feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two colors. I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation.” The crow then approached the parrot. The parrot explained, “I lived a very happy life until I saw a peacock. I have only two colors, but the peacock has multiple colors.”

The crow then visited a peacock in the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had gathered to see him. After the people had left, the crow approached the peacock. “Dear peacock,” the crow said, “you are so beautiful. Every day thousands of people come to see you. When people see me, they immediately shoo me away. I think you are the happiest bird on the planet.”

The peacock replied, “I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet. But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realized that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage. So for past few days I have been thinking that if I were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere.”
Now what do you say about your life??

Beliefs are you convictions, which are a result of your experiences, traditions or as told by your elders/parents. But do you know, once upon a time, which is considered a belief, after sometime it ceases to exist when something contrary to that ‘belief’ takes place. Lets’ take a real example of ‘Belief’ disproven. It was previously believed that running a mile under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. But on May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running the distance in 3:59.4.
Barely a year after Bannister’s accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes. Then some more runners did. Now, it’s almost routine. Even strong high-schoolers today run 4-minute miles. Similar is the case of our lives. Sometimes we hold on to beliefs which are totally debilitating our growth. And these are known as ‘Limiting Beliefs’. They Limit our thinking,growth & development in life.
In NLP we say that there is no such thing as ‘I can’t do it’, its only ‘I don’t want to do it.’ When you say ‘I can’t do it’ its just a limiting belief.

Let me give you my own example of overcoming Limiting Belief.
Before 2006, I used to firmly believe that I will never be able to do public speaking. If somebody told me that I have to speak for only 5 min in a particular event, I would have sleepless nights many days before the event. Then finally one day I decided that, if so many people out there do public speaking, then why can’t I? And I started to visualize myself giving public talks & also started practicing alone in a closed room. Until when I could finally break my limiting beliefs.
And Alhamdulillah now I have given more than 100s of public talks, and can easily give seminars & presentations in front for an audience of any size.

Action Item: Analyze what are the Limiting Beliefs in your life, which are hampering your growth and over come them using the Power of visualization.
The Thumb Rule to analyze a limiting belief is: “Any action which you want/love to do, but you think, you cannot.”
To overcome it, you need think/visulize what you want to do in your life, till it starts manifesting itself as a reality. God willing.

Please share your experience of overcoming your Limiting Beliefs.

Note: The Beliefs which I am talking here are not the Religious Beliefs, which is a personal choice.

PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES THEY NEED TO SUCCEED

There are no un-resourceful people, only un-resourceful states. Do you know your Brain has (10^10)11 Neurological connections? What other resources could you ever need? You are magnificent in every way and you can achieve anything you put your mind to. The only thing that stops you from achieving something would be your own internal sabotage. We do this by creating doubts, fears and anxiety. We doubt our own abilities making failure a reality for us.
I know this very well since I have gone through phase. Alhamdulillah.

Do you have any internal self-sabotage, doubts or fears which are holding you from achieving your dreams/goals?

A few days ago when I woke up for Fajr prayer, I saw my wife awake & was shivering with cold. Donno what she saw in her dream smile emoticon Anyways she told me that she is feeling cold and told me to cover her with a blanket. I was running short of time for my Fajr prayer & felt a bit lazy to put the blanket on her. With my eyes half-closed, as I had just got up, it stuck to me why not use my NLP techniques.

I told her to just keep on saying ‘Hot’, ‘Hot’ continuously, knowing very well that what you say, your mind will process it. And what the mind processes the body will react. She found this a bit silly, but still did what I told her. Then I told her to close her eyes and visualize herself in our last years’ Umrah trip, during zuhr time, when the heat was at its peak, and we were fasting & making our rounds of the Kaba….

No sooner she started to visualize the above scene, while saying verbally Hot, Hot,… the shivering vanished in an instant and she was totally relaxed and normal. It was so powerful & dramatic that even I was amazed. It made the conviction so firm, that it’s the ‘Scenes’ which you play in your mind are more important than, even you actually presence anywhere.
Your body reacts to your scenes in the mind, not your actual presence!!

Tell me something, the room that you are in right now, is it big or small?
The truth is that nothing is big or small; nothing is good or bad…until you compare it with
something else! Before your judgment, everything just IS.

When your circumstances seem tragic and when you feel like the unluckiest person on the planet, it’s just so because you gave that meaning to the event or the circumstances that you are in. If compared with worse scenario, it may not be as tragic as it seemed at all. If you understand the laws of the Universe, you would be smart and seek for the learning needed out of that whole experience, allowing yourself to grow and expand.

A millionaire could feel like an absolute looser comparing himself and his achievements to a billionaire. Yet a millionaire could be a role model for some poor guy out there. The best advice I can give you here is to never judge yourself or others, never compare your achievements with theirs. Rather focus on what it is that you want and do your absolute best to achieve it.
Do you have the best life now?? 🙂

A few days back I was discussing with one of my friends in Dubai, a fresher working for a small Construction company. During the discussion he told me, that he is doing mechanical design work for the company. And while the conversation was on, he told me that he is going to submit his designs to the Dubai Municipality & once they approve it his Self-Confidence will increase!!
I immediately asked him, why does he wants to keep his Self-confidence in the hands of Dubai Municipality??

Which indirectly means he is not confident as of now, while working on the designs.!! How about having self-confidence in advance & then doing the design work. Will there not be a higher probability of getting approved by Dubai Municipality if he already works with the advance confidence???

How many of us attach our confidence, happiness, peace to certain material things, events or other people. Many people say if I get a certain amount of salary I will happy! And once they get that salary, they will attach their happiness to something else.
The question is who is stopping you to be happy & confident RIGHT NOW??

When something doesn’t happens according to your plan you get irritated,sad, discomforted. (Past)
When you fear something will not happen according to your plan you get tensed, fearsome. (Future)
Guess what, we already have two powerful tools which will ease us of the above negative emotions.
When something doesn’t happens according to your plan, know very well that it was Taqdeer (pre-destined)
And when you have Tawakkul (Trust in God), you don’t have any fear since, you have put your Trust in God.
” It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.” Quran 2:216
With that said, never cease to put in your best efforts for any task.

So today you are equipped with two Powerful Tools, which will put an end to all negative emotions.
Taqdeer prevents you from: Regret, Sadness, Irritation, Anger.
Tawakkul prevents you from: Fear, Tension, Depression, Conflict.
Did that make sense?

Before I explain the Psycho-Cybernetic Mechanism, let me first explain the Cybernetic Mechanism that we find in machines and some animals. This mechanism is simply, a control and response mechanism. We use it everywhere today, in our air conditioners, auto-pilots, etc. Cybernetic Mechanism is designed to monitor a certain parameters and take corrective action to correct any deviation. Air conditioners now have climate control and are able to maintain a set temperature by adjusting the settings of the air conditioner to compensate for any other influences that affect the temperature. The air conditioner will activate and deactivate to maintain the set temperature because of the cybernetic mechanism. Auto-pilot technology in aircraft, also make use of cybernetic mechanisms.
Psycho-Cybernetic Mechanism monitors what we refer to as your comfort zone. Psycho- Cybernetic Mechanism is in charge to keep you in your comfort zone, no matter how badly you want to change. When it picks up any deviation from your comfort zone it sends feedback to your nervous system which then tries to “correct” the deviation by creating emotional stimulus to bring you back into your comfort zone.
A sales person who works on a commission based salary can decide to earn double than what he did a previous month. Logically it would require longer working hours, twice as many calls and probably some other sacrifices. In return, after a week or so, his income would be higher in comparison to the previous month’s first week. At this point his Psycho-Cybernetic Mechanism would kick in and send neural-transmitters to cause doubts, fear and anxiety. It will cause him to rationalize things. Please bear in mind, this happens automatically and so fast that you have no idea that it’s happening at all. It will start justifying old behavior. You might find it perfectly reasonable to take a break since you have worked so hard. It will literally find a dozen excuses why you should relax a bit and slow down. All this is to bring you back to your old comfort zone. It doesn’t know if you are happy or unhappy in your comfort zone. It’s job is simply to keep bringing you back into your comfort zone.
This is a very critical point. Without resetting this system – nothing will change! This system causes you to consistently behave the way you do and will continue to keep bringing you back.
Virginia Satir said: “familiarity is the most powerful force in human beings”. The opposite of familiarity is the unknown. Yet when you were a child, almost everything was unknown. Yet as a child, each day brought new exploration and a new set of possibilities. When you learned to walk, you kept going even if you fell, got back up each time over and over. You kept doing this because of your unshakable desire and belief that you will walk.
Will you Reset your Psycho-Cybernetic Mechanism Now??

NLP believes that what you focus on is what you get.
One of the major objectives behind NLP techniques is to get you to focus on something that solves the problem. NLP suggests that the problem exists because of what you were focusing on in the first place. Let’s take some practical & real life example.
Problem: “My boss is always rude”
Solution: Ask yourself the below questions, you will get the answer!!
What is your definition of ‘always’? (Maybe its occasionally, but not daily)
What is your definition of ‘rude’?? (Maybe he just has a high pitch voice)
In the beginning when you were new, wasn’t’ he good to you? or was
he rude even when you met him first time?
Is he rude with everyone? or only with you? (maybe you are doing something wrong so he is reacting)
Didn’t he ever compliment you?
Din’t he ever talk to you with a smiling face?
The issue with us is that whenever we say ‘problem’ we generalize one trait or habit & magnify it so much in our minds that our only focus is that aspect of his life. And then it becomes such a huge problem that all the other good qualities become so small & insignificant that we almost overlook & miss them.
To get the solution shift your Focus to his good qualities & magnify them. And if at all he behaves badly, take responsibility and see where you can improve your behavior so that he will also change. Do this exercise & gradually you will start seeing him as a good person.
Note: For the above example, replace it with your friend/colleague/ wife :)or with whoever you have a problem and then ask yourself the above Questions. God-willing you will get the answer.Does anyone has a good experience to share, after doing the above exercise??